


For you I would ruin myself

by Softheart777



Category: Bridgerton (TV)
Genre: Based on a Taylor Swift Song, F/M, kinda smutty, song-fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-18 21:48:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29496795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Softheart777/pseuds/Softheart777
Summary: This will be a series of song fics that follow Daphne and Simon’s relationship in a modern setting
Relationships: Daphne Bridgerton/Simon Basset
Comments: 25
Kudos: 95





	1. Illicit affairs

**Author's Note:**

> She has just started college as a music major, he is working on his MBA. They meet at a party without knowing who the other is and only after they start their meet-ups do they realize who the other is, but they can’t get enough of each other.

_ Make sure nobody sees you leave _

_ Hood over your head _

_ Keep your eyes down _

_ Tell your friends you're out for a run _

_ You'll be flushed when you return _

It started her freshman year, they knew they shouldn’t. She was just starting her degree and he was working on his masters. He was her brother’s best friend, but Anthony didn’t have to know. They would meet up at parties, but never stayed long. He would bring her back to his apartment and teach her what it was to be worshiped by a man. She never had orgasms like the one he gave her: drawn out and after he had brought her to the cusp and then teased her over and over again. He would whisper what a good girl she was and how easy it was to play with her body. She would beg for more and tell him she never felt the way he made her feel. And then in the morning she would dress and leave before he could convince her to stay. She would sneak back into her dorm before the other girls would wake up with their hangovers.

_ Take the road less traveled by _

_ Tell yourself you can always stop _

_ What started in beautiful rooms _

_ Ends with meetings in parking lots _

He would try and avoid her during the week, he would resist texting her as long as possible. Then when it was late and night and he was working on his thesis and couldn’t look at it a second longer his resolve would snap and he would send her the name and author of a book he knew was so far back on the top floor of the library that no one else would be there. She showed up every time. She would pull the book off the shelf and skim through it while she waited for him. It wasn’t gentle it wasn’t slow. It was hard and punishing and she couldn’t get enough of it. She would bite his neck to keep herself from screaming as he gave her pleasure she could only feel with him. She would leave deep purple marks on his neck and chest in return for the bruises he left on her hips in the shape of his fingers.

_ And that's the thing about illicit affairs _

_ And clandestine meetings _

_ And longing stares _

_ It's born from just one single glance _

_ But it dies, and it dies, and it dies _

_ A million little times _

Anthony spots his sister at school while walking with Simon, they pretend they don’t know each other. That he hadn’t texted her at 3 am the night before begging for her body. She pretends to be uninterested when he comes to stay with Anthony over the summer, but she waits for him in her room knowing he can’t resist the temptation of her being under the same roof. It is ignoring him when he says goodbye to her so that no one knows she cares.

_ Leave the perfume on the shelf _

_ That you picked out just for him _

_ So you leave no trace behind _

_ Like you don't even exist _

_ Take the words for what they are _

_ A dwindling, mercurial high _

_ A drug that only worked _

_ The first few hundred times _

She starts leaving a few things at his place, a toothbrush, a few shirts tucked in the back of a drawer. He didn’t want anyone to know what they did, so she would change and leave for class never mentioning him to her friends. He craves the way she screams his name, she can’t live without him growling into her ear about how good she feels. He told her it was a casual thing, that he couldn’t give her anything more than that. She took what she could get when she could get it, but it started leaving her with jaded edges. She knows she should walk away, stop playing these games, but she is drawn to him every time.

_ And that's the thing about illicit affairs _

_ And clandestine meetings _

_ And stolen stares _

_ They show their truth one single time _

_ But they lie, and they lie, and they lie _

_ A billion little time _ s

He wishes he could stop, he knows he is hurting her, but he can’t. He can’t get enough of the way her breath hitches when he pushes into her for the first time, he can never kiss her enough or hold her tight enough. He knows she had tried with other guys and keeps coming back to him. If he could quiet her he would be he can’t.

_ Don't call me kid _

_ Don't call me baby _

_ Look at this idiotic fool that you made me _

_ You taught me a secret language _

_ I can't speak with anyone else _

_ And you know damn well _

_ For you I would ruin myself _

_ A million little time _ _ s _

It is a full-on screaming match one night because she finally asked for more and told her he didn’t care. That he could never give her what she is asking for. It’s her reminding him he could but he won’t because he is selfish, she walks out for the last time. He wants to grab her and pin her against the door, keep her in his bed for as long as he can, but he won’t. He lets her go. It is her crying in her knowing that she could go back to what they had at any time but refusing to let herself be a secret any longer. 


	2. Exile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After their falling out they see each other, which brings forward feelings and truths

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all asked for more so here is more. If you have any other songs you want to see let me know in the comments

_I can see you standin', honey  
With his arms around your body  
Laughin' but the joke's not funny at all  
And it took you five whole minutes  
To pack us up and leave me with it  
Holdin' all this love out here in the hall_

He looked over at her, her little black dress clinging to her body. The blond man next to her has his arm slung around her shoulder, he knows she doesn’t like it when a guy holds her like that. He watches her laugh, but it doesn’t reach her eyes, she doesn’t have that little snort that she does when she is laughing really hard. He feels stung to see her with another man already. He thought maybe she would come back, that they could keep going as they use to. Simon feels his chest tighten and his fist clench when the man kisses her cheek.

_I think I've seen this film before  
And I didn't like the ending  
You're not my homeland anymore  
So what am I defendin' now?  
You were my town  
Now I'm in exile seein' you out  
I think I've seen this film before_

Simon feels his chest tighten and his fist clench when the man kisses her cheek. He wants to run up and pull her way, find a dark corner, and kiss her till he hears her moan his name. He wants whoever that prick is to get his hands off her. He wants to scream and shout and yell make a horrible scene so she has to talk to him, but he knows he can’t.

_Hoo, hoo-ooh  
Hoo, hoo-ooh  
Hoo, hoo-ooh_

She scans the room and sees him. She tries to smile, she really did, but she can’t. Her eyes find his and all of the pain she felt are reflected in his eyes.

_I can see you starin', honey  
Like he's just your understudy  
Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me  
Second, third, and hundredth chances  
Balancin' on breaking branches  
Those eyes add insult to injury._

She stares for just a moment longer before tearing her eyes from him and turning back to the man she was with. She saw his clenched fists and locked jaw. She saw the anger flash in his eyes as seeing her with another man. But his eyes, while anger lies on the surface she can see the agony he is in under neither and it hurts, but not bad enough to change her mind. 

_I think I've seen this film before  
And I didn't like the ending  
I'm not your problem anymore  
So who am I offending now?  
You were my crown  
Now I'm in exile seein' you out_   
_I think I've seen this film before  
So I'm leavin' out the side door_

It hurts like hell, but at the same time, it serves him right. He didn’t want this, he wanted to keep her in the shadows, and when she said no he made his choice. He doesn’t get to be angry at her for finding someone who will see her in the light of day. He didn’t want anyone to know, he didn’t want her. So it shouldn’t matter that she found someone that does. After a few minutes, she looks backs at him. She quickly leaves the blond man’s side and starts making her way to the door. She can’t stay.

_So step right out  
There is no amount  
Of cryin' I can do for you_

He watches her go. She collects her coat and gets in her car, he doesn’t stop her, doesn’t run after her, he doesn’t reach for her so she will look at him. He just watches her go. Again. He is drunk by the end of the night, he takes an Uber home. He wakes up in the morning in the same clothes he wore last night with a split headache.

_All this time  
We always walked a very thin line  
You didn't even hear me out (you didn't even hear me out)  
You never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)_

Daphne wakes in the morning and stays in bed, she thought she could do it. She thought going out last night would help, that being with another man would help her forget but it didn’t. She thought of how they started, all the secrets they kept, and all the things that she could have done differently. She finally dressed in her yoga pants and a tank top, she wasn’t going to feel sorry for herself any longer. There was a knock on her door.

_All this time  
I never learned to read your mind (never learned to read my mind)  
I couldn't turn things around (you never turned things around)  
'Cause you never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)  
So many signs  
So many signs (you didn't even see the signs)_

Simon stood in front of her, he was rumpled and clearly hungover. He brushed past her and started talking a mile a minute about everything that went wrong between them. How he never knew what she was thinking. How he couldn’t change, even if he wanted to he was too broken to change. It wasn’t long before they were both yelling, flashbacks to their last night racing in both their heads.

_I think I've seen this film before  
And I didn't like the ending  
You're not my homeland anymore  
So what am I defending now?  
You were my town  
Now I'm in exile seein' you out  
I think I've seen this film before  
So I'm leaving out the side door_

In her anger, Daphne doesn’t hear him, not really. She reminds him it was his choice that he is the one who didn’t want to stay with her. That he doesn’t get to be mad she is moving on. She gave him his chance and he threw it away. She throws all his mistakes back at him, she knew she was hurting him and it didn’t stop her. She was about to leave her own room, but she just kept going unable to stop unloading her feelings.

_So step right out  
There is no amount  
Of cryin' I can do for you_

She doesn’t stop yelling until he falls to his knees in front of her, crying. His head in his hands, broken. Her voice quiets.

_All this time  
We always walked a very thin line  
You didn't even hear me out (you didn't even hear me out)  
You never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)_

He begins to pour his heart and soul out to her in between sobs. That he can’t be the man she wants him to be because he had never seen a relationship work. That he didn’t want people to see them together and ruin her reputation, not his. That she deserved someone more whole than him, less broken than him. That he would fail her over and over and over again no matter what he did so she was better off without him. As she sank onto her knees next to him, she realized all of this was not his fault. They both made mistakes.

_All this time (so many signs)  
I never learned to read your mind (so many signs)  
I couldn't turn things around (so many signs)  
'Cause you never gave a warning sign (never gave a warning sign)_

Holding him in her arms held her back, they sat on the floor for a few more minutes before he looked at her. Her eyes held back tears for his pain. As slowly as she could she leaned forward, giving him time to back away, to say no, to push her away. She stopped right before him and let him close the space between them. His kiss was gentle and soft, careful and cautious as they rediscovered each other. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the love and encouragement. Again let me know if you have any requests


End file.
